im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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