That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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