Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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