Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
