I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is my gift to your gina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
