the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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