those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
