someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Buhtt sex?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
