Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
