I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
