I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
