I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
