if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
