Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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