he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
