he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
