I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
