I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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