His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
