Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
