What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love you.
Bad choice
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
