I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize