Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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