these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
