OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she woke up with a sticky ear
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone came in the potted fern
Randomize