So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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