You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
