im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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