bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
