broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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