i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
