my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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