he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
