How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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