FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
