Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
