Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
