She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
