He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
