is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
