At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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