yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
