You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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