The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
