I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
