i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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