Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
