Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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