my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
