I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
