that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
