I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
