John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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