Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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