i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
