So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
