I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
