I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
