I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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