I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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