Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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