We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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