we made out on top of his cat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
