In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize