Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
