Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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