If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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