my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
