So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
