Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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