Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
