It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
not ubering you a puppy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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