Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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