I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
