I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
