this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
