I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize