The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize