Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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