And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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