I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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