Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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