Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize