ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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