well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
