She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
