Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
