I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
