Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
