I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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