So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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