We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
