I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
