I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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