Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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