maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
