He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
