So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sext me about skeletons
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
