worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
