someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
