I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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