Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
